Sunday, February 10, 2013

Paranoid

There are many things I wish I was or wasn't. I'd love to be a better cook, more patient, I wish I had one of those hard belly laughs that could burst out at any time. One thing I really wish I wasn't is paranoid.

We are driving home from Arizona and I am totally on edge. My stomach is all curled up and I'm watching the road like a hawk, so worried we are going to spin out, over correct and roll... why are my thoughts so morbid??? I'm only writing this post to give Brian a little break from my requests to slow down and be careful.

The roads are sloshy, icy, and nothing I like driving in. We got a flat tire a couple hours ago and although that stinks I have to be so grateful there was a tire shop open on a Sunday night in Beaver Utah.

I used to check the locks on the doors more times than once and same with the windows. Not gonna lie, there are many times I make a second round just for peace of mind but at least I'm aware of the problem right??? Brian asks me "who do you think went and unlocked the door since you last checked it?" My answer??? Don't know. No one really just my imagination.

I try and think logically about my worries and most times I can talk some reason to myself but right now, in this car ride I'm not having much luck. I just looked up and there was a white out and we were side by side an 18 wheeler that looked far too close by anyone's standards.

My last trip to NYC was a joke. My paranoia was making a full court press. As I think I mentioned before I swear those cab drivers are asking for trouble, weaving in and out at the speed of sound but I bite my tongue, close my eyes and pray.

I wonder if I'm alone in this. Are you afraid of certain things? Things you know you shouldn't be? Or do you feel justified in your fear? What makes you concerned, worried or paranoid? I'm glad plane rides don't make me too worried bc that would be a serious inconvenience. ;)

Ok-back to the drive. Thanks for the vent sesh!

Kass

5 comments:

Tamera Whavers said...

Hi Kass, I'm sure to some degree we all probably have some kind of paranoia or fear. I have a fear of failure, which I thought I had conquered because I now know in order to succeed sometimes we have to fail. As much as I practice new choreography for a new playlist, I am so paranoid about messing up and not giving a cue on time or just praying that my participants will enjoy the new routines and music. But it's no just with Zumba. It's with anything I do because I want to give 150% in everything that I do. So what I do know is that if I make a mistake, I should learn from it and correct. :)

Thanks for letting me vent. BTW: you seem like an awesome person. I admire the way you maintain your work and family life. It's great that your husband supports career!

Tamera

Rappleye Family said...

I worry about being home alone in the Dark!! I always check the locks a million times and leave a light on. And there are plenty more fears I am sure of it!!!!

Heather Stevenson said...

You were in a bad accident as a child weren't you. Sorry, the pycho-analyst in me just popped out!

I hate plane rides. Every bump makes me feel like we're all going to fall. I've been known to leave fingernail marks in my husband's arm during flight.

But mostly I worry that I won't get to see Kass again soon!!

Loo said...

I have serious test anxiety because my symptoms always flare under the stress of tests and I feel like my and my families entire future lies on me and getting the right answer. Yeah- I get physically super freaked out we're talking throwing up, tremor, limping, dizzy freaked out-- so yeah, I get it. :)

Find anything that helps? Last time I played a Michael Jackson wii game right before to try to trick myself out of it... results... meh...

So good luck on that! L

Brianna said...

I used to be paranoid about everything when I was growing up! I wouldn't even walk out to the mailbox at night by myself :) but there was one specific experience that helped calm a lot of my nerves and I'm grateful for that! I definitely still get paranoid at times, but it's gotten better! Glad I'm not alone :)

~Bree